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Counting Down From Zero

Yes, I WILL take another Dew but I am gonna need you to add a Zero, cuz I'm trying to watch my figure.

Let's get this out of the way right away so I can label this a review.  I don't know what sort of witchcraft is going on over at PepsiCo, but this Mountain Dew Zero is Mr. Bombastic.  Nearly all of the taste of dew with none of the gut rot.   Each can takes me on a magical journey.  Just remember this important piece of advice as this blog is nothing if not educational.  Take that little slice of heaven out of the fridge and place it for EXACTLY 11 minutes prior to consuming.  You can thank me later.

Review over.  Oh, by the way...I refuse to believe that Pepsi Zero is in fact Pepsi Max.  Conspiracies abound because it tastes better.

Time to put on my big boy pants.  No, not metaphorically speaking...like seriously I don’t fit in my pants.  It feels like a tipping point where it will be a lot easier to just let go.  I need only walk towards the light of the fridge and si…

Everything in 2's

They can take our space, but they can never take our freedom!

Did you see that dude adding 2 spaces?  Dork.

So I have a friend that reads my blogs and tends to weigh in with a critical eye.  If you translate that, she complains a lot.  I so appreciate that she not only reads my ramblings but also gives me a lot to think about.  Last night was especially good.  So good, in fact, that I am dedicating an entire blog to her cruel and unnecessary criticism.

She pointed out that it was super annoying that I put two spaces after every period.  Like so annoying she wanted to throw things.

It blew my mind.

When did this freaking change?  Am I elderly?  What is happening?  It sent me on a research mission and here is what I found:  Nothing makes a person more obviously over 40 than using two spaces after a period.  

In a really strange combination of security in my age and embarrassment that I am dumb I dug deeper.  I mean was I really turning people away with my two step shuffle?  Am I older than I realize?  Why is the world spinning?  Then I remembered who we are.  The survivors.  We don't worry about how we look, we set the trends.  I unearthed a study that said people who grew up on typewriters can actually read an article 3 percent faster when it uses two spaces after a period.  BAM!  Take that.  I am forever going to mix two spaces and one space so I can appeal to all generations.  

Nah, I like the two spaces.  Join me NoEgg Army...it is a two space revolution!  I could hit that typewriter like a mofo and if my two spaces are enough to make my crap unreadable, well, screw you.  The content should be unreadable on its own.  That said, I do love her criticism...crazy how much I have learned from her feedback on several blogs so keep it coming lady!  Everything is better in two's.  Everything!  For example:
  • Two dogs is better than one.
  • Being married to another person is better than marrying yourself.
  • Two kids is the ideal number, one-to-one ratio.
  • Texas one-steps are clumsy.
  • Two spaces after a period are 3 percent faster to read even if it shows your age.  Take it.  Take it.  Take it!
Keep your two space distance youngling.

It did make me sit back in my chair, pop a beer, and wonder just how many other things am I doing that make me look ancient.  More importantly, how can I do those things even more often?  Here is what I came up with and I would love to hear from others on your own "you might be old" moments so I can keep this updated.  Two spaces.

  • I think a lot about dinner.  Like around 10am I text Autumn Bacon and ask if she has thought about what we should do for dinner.
  • I used to stay up until 4am and wake up at 7am.  I now go to bed sometimes at 7 and wake up at 4am.
  • I don't ever wonder if my outfit matches.  I wonder if it feels constricting.  You never know when a foreign army might parachute in and I will need to pick up a bunch of kids in my pickup and head up into the mountains.  AVENGE ME!
  • My jeans have gone up one size in the waist, down one size in the length.  WTF!
  • A romantic night means there are only two body pillows in our bed, not three.
  • My ear buzzes.  Huh?  Is that why I keep getting those hearing aid letters in the mail?
  • I have a pacemaker but I don't coach the Nebraska Cornhuskers.  I hate you mayor.
  • I remember when the Braves were America's team.
  • I talk a lot about what used to be in that space in Cedar Rapids.  This list includes things like Chapman's Fun World, Shakey's Pizza, Town House Golf Course, and Target in it's rightful place where there is now a Home Depot.  
  • I often wonder on my way to work if I remembered Ibuprofen.

I look forward to this list growing with the help of my adoring blog audience.   Like one big old fat list of why we are content in our ways.  Boomin.  Two spaces at a time.

Things are just better in two's!


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